Three Stories
I recently received an email that was thought provoking and possible somewhat accurate. The writer suggested that we were presenting two separate stories: one of Sean the person though this blog, and the other, bipolar disorder, via the website. His perspective was that the two were not adequately connected, that I needed to give more detail about how bipolar disorder affected Sean. It's interesting because I was thinking about this myself: how there were two stories, Sean and Bipolar Disorder. Initially, because the Fund was started out of the passing of Sean and my reaction to it, it was only normal that I concentrated on that, I think. It's also appropriate that Sean be the soul of our cause.
Nonetheless, there is much to talk about as far as bipolar disorder itself, not all of which pertains to Sean, as each person's struggles are somewhat different. I also think that there are some parts of Sean's life that are private. He was a very private person, and I try to honor that. I wonder myself sometimes how to handle the blog: should it be personal and specific or educational and objective? I'm not sure that I have figured that part out. To be honest, I write something when I feel like I need to talk to someone. I think that there is a lot of information on bipolar disorder and how it affected individuals.
I felt as though Sean were an appropriate face for the disease simply because he was responsible and successful and generous, essentially, normal. This, to me, is one of the best ways to combat the stereotyping of this disorder. I don't think that his specific struggles are as important as his determination and his character. More importantly, the fact that so many people mourn his loss.... there is good cause to investigate the diagnosis and treatment of bipolar disorder. This disease has a face and that face is handsome and proud.
Really though, that the truth is that there aren't two stories; there are three. The third is mine. I would like to say that I have progressed to the point where I can write with a clinical eye about bipolar disorder, but I have yet to get past the point of mourning my son. I sometimes wonder if I ever will, or even if I would want to. I believe that I don't let this interfere with the significance of our mission. On the contrary, I think it gives our mission an insight that another wouldn't have. We are very specifically focused on the creative person and how bipolar disorder is related to them. There is little research on the subject, and much literature suggesting they are connected. We are centered on musicians who are bipolar because their lifestyle is unique, as well as their challenges. We offer links to sites that are less specific, as we want to provide as much support as we can to anyone who visits our site, but our focus right now is research. Sean's story tells us that this research is lacking and important. Nonetheless, I cannot take me out of this equation. I have been irreversibly affected by the loss of my son, as has every one of his family and friends. Our world will never be the same and will always be much sadder. Sean was a bright light to all that knew him. I may be self-indulgent, but I believe that my expressing this helps generate the passion necessary to succeed. There may be a time when I can thread the facts and the sentiment into one seamless story.
Right now, in this venue, I am writing in the first person. I'm hoping that you will forgive this indulgence. I will try to communicate less personally and more about the accomplishments of the Fund in newsletters, etc. Maybe some day, the three stories will merge. Right now, I can only write what I feel.
